Memories!

Thinking back of the day my son was born.
I just wanted to hear a cry. For all the parents out there we all know how we dislike our kids crying, how we can do anything to appease them even spend unaccounted amount of money on toys to see a smile but this time I just wanted to hear a cry. He had been stuck in me for hours and finally they had decided to go ahead with the C-section. I waited with baited breath to hear him take his first. I finally heard him, I cannot believe how much love and emotion and attachment forms in that single moment when you hear your new born cry. He made that sound, then they rushed him to a corner and after a few minutes the doctor held him up for me to see, he was smiling. He was born smiling!
As they wheeled me out they put him on my chest and that’s how we came out together of the OR. He was then taken to the nursery. Next morning he came to me with a green translucent pacifier that he was sucking vigorously on. And as I held him and looked at him warmly, and he looked at me and his hazy gaze focused on my face, his pacifier fell off! He opened his mouth almost in wonder as he looked at me. And I haven’t found another moment quite like that again! I must admit that I never had an effect quite like that on anyone before!
Since that first moment to now he has been the center of my world, storms come and go, emotional, financial, others, all kinds, but I hold his hand and stay my ground. He is my weakness but at the same time he is my strength. He made me a better person, he made me a better doctor, more compassionate, and he made me live life like I never did before. I feel I am accountable to him for everything I do or do not do. I want him to be proud of me each day, each minute, each moment. I have become more emotional but for the better. I feel other people’s pain more; I share their joy more, because I have a piece of heaven next to me.
He made me what I never was and never could be without him, he made me a mom!The things we do, the moments we share, the joy of being with him, creating memories each day. He will never be what he is today, he will be a day older each day, and I am counting days and making memories as many as I can because memories will be all we have, always.